Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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