we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
