the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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