I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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