She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
