Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I cut my penus on the lid.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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