There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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