I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
