I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
