Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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