She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
