I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
