Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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