Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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