We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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