I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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