K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
