I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
