She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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