I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My Sexting was not on an AP level
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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