I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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