I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
