She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize