I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
