He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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