Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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