K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
