it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
