gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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