Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
