Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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