I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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