He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
