she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
