We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
