I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
