Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
