remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
