Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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