did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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