I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
