just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
