I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
