Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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