Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
