apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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