She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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