Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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