I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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