He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
