Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
