I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
