I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
