I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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