i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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