mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
