bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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