he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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