there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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