i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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