they need to just BURY HIM!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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