it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
