1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
