i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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