i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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