Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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