Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
