Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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