And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
