Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
