How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
