You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize