Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
