I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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