Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
