I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
