i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
